stacking non-obvious learnings

I'll be turning 21 next week.

I spent the last week reflecting upon my experiences and key learning within the last year.

It'll be interesting to look back to this list next year and see how I changed and stack non-obvious learnings year over year. By “non-obvious learnings”, I mean that they can't come from school, university, or a teacher because it is based solely on my personal experiences and my takeaways from them.

As a disclaimer, it doesn't mean this is the ultimate truth. It is purely personal and based on my own perspective, critical thinking, perceptions, and emotions. For this reason, it surely carries personal biases, some of the learnings might be controversial and some of them are potentially wrong.

Without further ado, here are 21 non-obvious learnings:

1. Accruing gratitude from other people is the most powerful asset you can have. Build a network of people grateful for you and you’ll always receive genuine help from people happy that they can support you. (btw, that's completely different from receiving “casual” help)

2. When deciding on strengthening a relationship, no matter if it is at work or in life, intentionally (but politely) test people's reactions to uncomfortable and tough conversations. If they freak out maybe it's not for you. It'd be better to find out because you intentionally looked for the answer than get disappointed unexpectedly.

3. Have a personal “investment thesis” when it comes to people and be very strict with that. What are the criteria other people have to meet for you to allocate a finite resource like your time with them?

4. Making other people feel special is an underrated superpower. Pay attention to a beverage, song, city, singer, or movie someone has emotional strings with and surprise them with something that reminds them of that unique detail you paid attention to. They'll always remember you.

5. Feeling the pain of failure teaches you what you care about. If it hurts, it means you care. If you found out about something you care, you have a new piece of your self-knowledge puzzle.

6. The worst decisions are made when you are out of your “behavioral basis”. Usually when you are too nervous, too excited, in love, angry, too happy, too hurt, you say, commit or do things you wouldn't if you were behaving as your usual self.

7. Having a personal brand is underrated. What is the first thing that comes to people's minds when they mention you? This is something under your control that has the leverage to be exponentially positive or worryingly negative.

8. Working hard and being busy is extremely overrated, especially if you work at a job where your outputs are directly tied to your inputs. If you get the same amount of marginal results from the amount of work you put in, maybe it's the wrong direction.

9. If you don't have any friend who strongly disagrees or challenges you, it's time to move.

10. Having lunch with people you admire is the investment with the greatest ROI possible.

11. You'll get disappointed by yourself and by others. Most of the blame is on your expectations.

12. Set the stage for other people to be the “superstars” of a conversation. Everyone has a personal story, a joke, or a trip that always wants to share with other people. If you know what that is, set the stage for that person to have the spotlight of the conversation. They'll always remember you.

13. Perception = Reality. There is a huge gap between how you'd like to be described by other people and by how they actually describe you.

14. Avoid people who at the moment you mention someone else’s name, the first phrase that comes afterward is about that person's money.

15. Embrace uncertainty. If don't feel prepared, never felt, dealt with, did, or experienced, that's exactly where progress is.

16. If it is not a hell yes, it's a no.

17. The most important people in your early career are your teachers and your managers. They'll open doors and share the knowledge you can't find by yourself so young.

18. Writing is a superpower. When you write it's only you with your thoughts. When someone reads what you wrote, they are literally navigating through your thoughts. There is no other way more scalable to share your personal perspectives and build a personal brand than by writing.

19. Procrastinating tough conversations is embracing mediocrity.

20. Read as little as possible about the mainstream thinkers of your industry. If the “food for thought” you consume is the same food that feeds the rest of your industry, your output will be equal/very similar to the rest. Feed yourself with contrarian thinkers, and unknown/unpopular perspectives instead. The chances your outputs are different from the majority increase a lot. Getting it right when everyone else is right doesn't set you apart, getting it right when the majority of people are wrong does set you apart.

21. The most important choices you make are the ones you are making for the first time. They'll directly affect your subsequent opportunities and approach to the consequences.